McSimpson

An update!

I swear I'll update this one day.

Not today.

Rewind

So, the olympics are over. The Democratic National Convention is over. The Republican National Convention is almost dead, just like McCain. All of these politicians are saying they are going to bring back America to what it used to be. Bring back the jobs to America. Bring back the money to the American people.

Screaw that! Bring back Crystal Pepsi!

Two Words

Swamp Ass!

Nub Rubber

Dear Lindsey Lohan,
I don't know you personally, and I'm sure I never will get the pleasure. But I just wonder sometimes about your logic. Everyone knows you're supposed to date someone that looks better than you. You don't "date down." For example, look at Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi.


Ellen definitely knows the rule of thumb. If you're going to be a butch, date a lipstick. You don't date an albino, cancer patient. Remember the movie Powder? In that movie, the lead character, Jeremy Reed, was able to read people's thoughts. I wonder if you think Samantha can read your mind?

"What's worse than making movies like Herbie: Fully Loaded and I Know Who Killed Me? Eating a raw, lukewarm, six-week old surf and turf burger with Curly-Q's off a cold bag of pasty skin known as Samantha Ronson's body."

But it's your life and you can do what you want to do. I'll be waiting for your next E! Special, My Struggle: Acting, Anorexia, and Necrophilia: The real Lindsay Lohan.

Breaking the Law

We received a memo from "up top" yesterday stating that it is ILLEGAL to use the word "Olympics" both on-air and online. Therefore, I just broke the law. It's the same thing the NFL enacts saying you're not allowed to say "Super Bowl" or how the NCAA prohibits the use of "March Madness." We are forced to say something like "The Summer Games" or "those games where all the countries compete in all of those many sports where you win medals if you're awesome like the USA or a communist." I think people get the hint.

I just broke the law three different times in that one sentence. Rebel.

I know there are a such thing as retarded laws, but laws like this just really seem ridiculously childish, greedy, and asinine. I bet the person who decided to do this didn't have many friends as a child. Their lincoln logs were THEIR lincoln logs. You didn't touch THEIR lincoln logs.

This whole thing reminds me of this guy who wanted "ownership" of a name.

Too bad I'm a sucker for some Purple Rain. Mama, No! No! No! No!

Apocalyptica

Apocalyptica came by the Edge studios today to play a special acoustic set before their show tonight at The Village. Afterwards, their drummer Mikko came to the studio and cussed me out in Finnish, just for the fun of it. Oh, foreign accents. How you amuse us dumb Americans so.